Five Minutes is so Gekidasa Daze
by iffulovedme
Summary: Shishido/Ohtori. Shishido experiences heartbreak for the first time.
1. Chapter 1

Hey, you know the feeling when your stomach rolls over and you feel like you wanna puke? Well, up until a few minutes ago, I never knew the feeling. Now, I like to think of myself as a cool guy, you know? But man, sometimes, the world just has it in for you.

You see, there's this guy I like. And yes, it's a guy. Male. As in not a girl. But that's not what I'm worried about, for the most part. (And I know he's not interested in girls, so that's not the problem either.) Because the guy I like... he's not just anyone. He's my best friend. Some might say that's great; we already get along all right, so why not? I mean, we're doubles partners so we have to be connected and all that stuff. But still, others might urge caution, saying it's better not to ruin a good thing.

I don't know what I think. I just know I like him. A lot. When his shirt flies up I have to grab my water bottle and splash water on myself, a reality check of some sort. Because when he looks at me with those eyes, so trusting of his sempai, asking me to help with his serve…I feel like we're supposed to more than just a pair on the court.

But he doesn't like me. Not in that way. Not in the way I want him to, the way I like him.


	2. Chapter 2

What's more, we're growing farther apart. Sure, it's high school and we're supposed to grow apart. I spent all last year without him while he was still in middle school. That was torture. I didn't even see him at tennis practice; the high school practices separately. I _would_ complain but Atobe's not captain this year; he's a mere sophomore like the rest of us albeit a strong and arrogant one, and so there'd be no point.

But he's back this year and that's all that matters. I have my doubles partner back. As a singles player, I got no game time. But it's more than that. My best friend is back. And I thought it'd be okay. Thought things would go back to normal and that we'd start training together even after tennis practice was over. Anyway, I thought it'd be okay. Only it wasn't. And, enough of the acting. I'm a tennis player, not an actor nor a drama queen like Atobe. I think lying to yourself is so gekidasa daze. You know it's you I'm talking about.

We're still friends, of course. All the regulars are. But it's different now. We don't talk much anymore. Okay, to be honest, you were never much of a talker, even when we were close. You were always shy and quiet. But that was okay because I talked, more like babbled if truth be told, and you listened. Sometimes you'd even blush and I'd stop rambling long enough to beam at you.


	3. Chapter 3

Atobe's leaving, year after next. He'll be gone, off to follow Tezuka, who is also going pro. It's comical, how Atobe gets when talking about Tezuka. Anyway, the high school tennis circuit just won't be the same. Hyoutei will not be the same. His absence will affect then entire school. Even Hiyoishi, who was unbearably smug when Atobe left him captain last year, is being a strange mix of morose and supportive and secretly pleased.

You're thinking of following them, right? With your Scud Serve, you'd be awesome. But I'm not going to. Sure, I like tennis, love it, in fact. But I'm no tensai or anything; I just run fast.

Funny, it was tennis that brought us together. Made us the infamous Silver Pair. Our Hyoutei arrogance that is tempered with determination is what we're known for. But it doesn't work if we're not in sync. And because I'm not telling you how I really feel, we're losing our rhythm. If you're gonna follow Atobe and Tezuka like I think you are, like I think you should, tennis will also be what breaks us apart.


	4. Chapter 4

I like to think I have a lot of friends, but you and your Scud Serve have always held a special place within me. You showed me what tennis could be like, just as you claim I showed you. We are the Silver Pair goddamnit!

I told myself I wouldn't be surprised in the least if it turned out you liked Atobe the way I like you. I admitted to myself that I would be jealous.

After what you just said, I know I was right. Not that I didn't al,eady notice, but today when Atobe touched your arm in congratulations, I swear I have never seen you turn such a dark shade of fuchsia. It's a lovely color on you, I just wish I'd done it to you instead. I'm not surprised, but I am damned jealous. You always do aim for the best, you did so by going to Hyoutei, and Atobe Keigo; he's the best I can think of. Not that I'll ever admit it to him- that would be so gekidasa daze. Whatever, his ego is big enough already without my saying anything.

It's my punishment; I didn't say anything, thinking I'd like to keep things the way they were. Platonic, but normal. Except, they weren't all that normal when you came back and I haven't been too platonic in regards to you.

But now that I know what I know, that you like our esteemed ex-Captain, I wish I hadn't kept silent. I played it safe, and now I'm sorry. I like closure as much as the next person does, and it bugs me that I don't have any sense of it. instead, my heart is thudding in my chest and it has never felt heavier.


	5. Chapter 5

You offer me a bemused smile, prompted by my bizarre reaction.

"Are you okay, Shishido-sempai?" you ask, flushing. You look extremely cute, partly concerned, partly alarmed. Which is understandable because even though we just finished practicing at school, I've never turned down a chance to practice before. But then, I don't really want to practice with you if Atobe's going to come to. If he does, I'll only be reminded of that time, _five_ minutes before we all went to pick up balls, that he touched your shoulder and you didn't shrug it off. No, I've never missed a chance to practice, but I've also never had my heart broken before, so I guess it's fair.

"Yeah, Ohtori, I'm fine." I smile. And really, doesn't it show that we've grown so far apart that you can't tell when I'm lying straight to your face? If you're going to be spending a lot of time with Atobe, maybe it's a good thing we're apart. I don't think I could handle lying to you and having you believe me, or knowing I'm lying but pretending not to because you still think I have your best interests at heart. I don't know where my heart is anymore. I don't think it's mine, though.

Maybe I'm looking into this, all of this, too much. Atobe practicing with us isn't that strange; he doesn't have much to do since Oshitari signed up for that extra club instead of tennis which pisses Atobe off to no end, which might actually be the precise reason why he did it. Man, I wish Oshitari hadn't left us because now Atobe's latched on to us. Seriously, the Silver Pair plus Ore-sama makes what,_ The Trio of Talent_? You and I are the Silver Pair. I've only just discovered how much that means to me. How much just _us_ means to me.


	6. Chapter 6

Stupid Oshitari for leaving. Stupid Atobe, I think vengefully but also kind of dully. Stupid love. Stupid tears that form when you turn around to follow Atobe into the changing rooms. I want to call you back, but for what? All I have is a stupid confession born from a stupid love that, because of my stupidity, can never be. Chou, Ohtori, kouhai, partner, best friend, the other half of the Silver Pair…So many names, but I can't summon a single one. Stupid is right.

Now, I'm all for aiming for the impossible. But even with my dash, I don't think I'll ever be able to run fast enough to catch up to you, Choutarou. How can I? I can't even reach you when you're on level ground, not five feet from me.

And you're still walking away, adorably naïve as always, but this time it hurts, and it's only now that I'm noticing the gap that's been slowly widening the whole five minutes that I've said nothing. The whole five minutes when you asked a simple question and got a loaded answer back.

_"Choutarou, do you like Atobe-buchou?" I blurted out, my stomach in knots. I call him buchou because even though he's not_ the _captain, he's still in many ways very much our captain._ _Blame it on his prowess, but the guy really does radiate captaincy both on and off the court._

"Shishido, I thought you already knew about that. He asked if he wanted to train with us, do you mind?" that bland smile which haunts my dreams at night. I sigh.

It's so gekidasa daze; I never even moved a single step towards you, but it seems like I'm going to fall by the wayside anyway. It took only five minutes for my silence to cause its maximum damage. I could blame it on Atobe, did he _have _to touch your shoulder, but I know it's not his fault. Blaming others when you know the truth, just like lying, is gekidasa daze. No, I take that back, take _everything _back: five minutes is so gekidasa daze.

~Fin


End file.
